7 Steps to Better Mentoring for Life and Career: Many “Positive Benefits”

Mentoring relationships are among the most important in a person’s life.

Mentors can be personal, professional, or both, but these people constantly offer feedback and advice, wisdom and perspective.

THE business literature demonstrates that mentorship has positive benefits on individuals and leads to improved company employee retention and satisfaction, profit, and a host of other benefits.

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Yet only 37% of people believe they have a mentor, and most don’t have more than one, despite the obvious benefits.

More than 70% of leaders they say mentorship has played a key role in their success.

In my case, I find that I have consistently improved by having 5 to 7 mentors in my life at any given time: colleagues and people older than me.

The ability to talk things through with them can be transformative.

But it can be difficult to get started. So here are seven simple steps to develop more and better professional mentors in your life.

1. Identify those you admire

The first thing you can do to develop mentors is create a list of 15-20 people you admire. Think broadly at this stage, but reach out to people you know directly or are significantly connected to (through a mutual friend, for example).

The list might include your rabbi or pastor, a parent, a best friend, an older sibling, a person who sits on the board of directors with you, a teacher or professor (current or former), or especially a co-worker.

Identifying a mentor who is helpful to you professionally, but whom you do not respect or admire, will likely leave the relationship unfulfilling.

However, finding someone you have genuine respect for and enjoy conversations with can keep things energetic and fresh.

2. Consider whether they can be useful

Some of the people on your list may be amazing friends and advisors, but they may not be able to talk about your professional situation.

For example, you may admire your father and mother, but they may have no real understanding of your professional life. Likewise, a religious leader may be an excellent personal advisor but have limited perspective on your work.

“Narrow the list to the most useful ones.”

Of the 15 to 20 people you identify, perhaps half will have amazing personal relationships but unlikely professional mentors.

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Your mentors don’t have to work at your company or in your field. Many of my most respected mentors worked as professors, at law firms, or in public service, all very different fields than mine.

But those people were familiar with business leadership, entrepreneurship, personal character, or the contours of my companies and industries. Many have worked directly in my company or in my industry.

Narrow the list to the most useful ones.

3. Pursue diverse perspectives

You should probably have a mentor at the company you work at (unless you’re the CEO). You should probably have a few more in your industry, if not in your company, who are close enough to your daily decisions to recommend them.

But you should also seek out people outside your immediate professional orbit (like the lawyers, professors, and public servants I turned to) who can offer perspective and distance from your day-to-day.

This helps with objectivity. It can also be helpful if you’re trying to make a transition or tackle a problem new to your industry that outsiders may have a fresher perspective on.

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You should also consider more conventional types of diversity in the people you ask for advice. The purpose of mentorship is perspective and wise counsel. These things rarely happen in a bubble.

4. Look for apprenticeships first

The best mentorship is apprenticeship.

As a young consultant at McKinsey & Company, I found that my most important mentors were managers and partners on my teams. They were able to see my work up close and I was able to observe them day by day.

Mentoring conversations were natural, daily or weekly, and occurred in the context of supporting and working with each other.

Today I am blessed with a number of business partners, each of whom does something better than me, who I can observe in real time to learn from them and from whom I can ask for feedback.

I also had time to “apprentice” learning from nonprofit leaders while serving on boards.

And these natural professional relationships can be the most rewarding of your life and can even lead to support and sponsorship.

5. If necessary, ask for help

Not every mentor should be someone you work with directly. You need an external consultant. So, from time to time, it is wise to simply ask someone for help.

This could be formal. Some people prefer to structure relationships, for example by asking for quarterly meetings. Or they could be more informal. Most of my mentors are people who connect with me most naturally over the occasional breakfast or when I write or call for advice.

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Most people want to help and will appreciate these interactions. Some won’t have the time or interest, which is fine. You might ask someone and they might say no, and you should never scold them for it. But never be afraid to reach out more intentionally.

6. Always express gratitude

The main thing you can do to damage a mentoring relationship is to be transactional or rude. Your mentors don’t need anything from you. But they want to feel valued, respected and appreciated.

When I had mentees who never asked questions about me, never said thank you, or only asked for immediate help, I often became wary of relationships.

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In the meantime, it has been a pleasure to interact with the students who have taken the time to get to know me, expressed gratitude and built a relationship with me. Always focus on the relationship. Always say thank you, either verbally or with a nice handwritten note.

Adopt a mindset of gratitude.

7. Add a mentee for each mentor

We should repay the gifts we have been given. And if you’re going to ask others to mentor you, you should take the time to mentor others.

As a general rule, for every mentor you have, you should serve as a mentor to at least one person.

“A young professional can mentor an intern or be a big brother or sister.”

When I see people who constantly ask others for help and advice, but don’t invest in others, it’s often a sign to me that they lack the maturity and humility of a more thoughtful leader.

You can mentor others from an early age. TO my children’s school, for example, sixth graders are paired with younger students to mentor them. College seniors can mentor freshman or high school students.

A young professional can mentor an intern or be a big brother or sister. At any age and stage, there are people who could benefit from your investment in them.

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And that investment will make you rich too.

Mentoring may seem like a complex topic, but it doesn’t have to be.

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With these seven simple steps, you can develop personally and professionally fulfilling relationships and the wisdom to advance your life and career.

“On Purpose”, John Coleman’s newsletter, you can access it here.